Help on story

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

I realy need help.

im stuck with the story of my game.
every new story i think of ends up nowhere.

here are some of the game components:

its a manga game
it has ur average hero that doesent know he is one(he is young)
it starts with a happy begining

there is a bunch of dark creatures everywhere and there is a big giant boss.

i dont know how to put these things into a good story. it starts in the middle of the city. you and 2 friends are going to sum sort of sport tournament. you go to a big staduim where the game starts. the crowd is cheering. the camera geos up to the top of the stadium where a man with a big sword is standing. he looks up into the sky. a big black portal appears in the sky.people start panicing. the game stops. dark creatures fly out of the portal jumping on top of people and and fusing with the humans bodys. the creatures transform into bigger more powerful biengs.

you take your friends and run to the safe house only to find that a big flying creature is chasing you. you arive at the safe house but your friend trips over. you run after him but a creature jumps on you. while you get enshrouded in darkness and calling out for your friends the darkness begins to close. you black out.

now ive done the intro and dont know whats next. i was thinking that you wake up in a cave and find that "big sword guy that stood on top of the stadium" next to you meditating. he saved you in the last momenta and tells you everything about the dark boss(no name yet). he says he was sent to deliver a great weapon/item that chose you. he is also ment to aid you in your quest. you find out about the dark portal and you bieng the chosen one. then you ask about your friends.bang. suddenly a big crash come outside. you quickly follow the guy outside and see trillions of those creatures. then im currently writing the next bit but getting stuck. any suggestions?

later you find out that your frends where knowhere to be seen. the guy says that they may have travelled through the portal system and into another area/world/dimension(i also like the future /past thing )
so your next quest begins, to find your frineds and later defeat the boss and release everyone from there dark prisons(being inside the dark creatures).

well this is my main core story design. i want to have twists everywhere and little secrets that effect the whole story. and the most important is that it cant end truly. as there will be a sequel.

plz tell me what you think about the story and what could make it better.
im working on showing these scenes in storyboard and simple 3d animation just giv u an idea of what im thinking. and i can also giv sum pictures on the style and look of the creatures and characters and worlds.

P.S Hav a very happy christmas and enjoy the last days of 2006.

thx

[psYco]

well it sounds okay, yes it needs work and until about half way i was sure you were retelling the intro of Final Fantasy X as an example, but yeah sounds interesting, i dont have much time ATM but ill try give it a look and if your intent of these game ideas then ill try give some story ideas around them... merry Xmas...

[GD1]

get rid of the "chosen one" thing, that's so overused that you could pick up 20 games in a store a see basically the same "chosen one" theme on them all.

Seriously though, give us a reason that he's the Hero. My idea would be that something went wrong when the creature attacked him, and instead of being trapped inside the creature, the creature got trapped inside our Hero's heart. From reading your story, it sounds like these creatures gain power from the humans and animals that they fuse with. So the Hero could gain power from the creature trapped inside of him. As he defeats more and more enemies, he traps them in his inner prison, gaining power each time. After absorbing so many enemies, he finds that he can release the energy that they have built up inside of him in order to do special Defensive and Offensive attacks.

Over time, you learn that there is a way to destroy the "dark prisons" where your friends are trapped. This would not only release your friends, but sever the dark creatures' ties to this world, sending them back to the other side of the gate/portal. The only problem is that this will also send you to the other side with the creatures. Then in the Sequel, you could play as one of your friends, trying to bring you back from the other side.

You should also make a lot more friends along the way, maybe even some romantic interests. All in all though i like the concept, and I think with some development it would make a good game. I guessing your aiming for either RPG or Third-Person Action ("Kingdom Hearts" style?), right?

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

Thank you for all your help.

i now hav an idea of what to add and what to change. yes, it does sound a bit like kingdom hearts and final fantasy but thats what type of game im trying to make. i dont really want to copy anything but i just cant help thinking about the whole manga style darkness.

with this game i want to develop a more deeper story than your average mmo or rpg. the main focus in this game is "emotion" and behaviour.
so i want the dark boss to hav a past. and that you can go back in time and kind of get a real flashback of what happened.

My idea would be that something went wrong when the creature attacked him, and instead of being trapped inside the creature, the creature got trapped inside our Hero's heart.

So the Hero could gain power from the creature trapped inside of him. As he defeats more and more enemies, he traps them in his inner prison, gaining power each time. After absorbing so many enemies, he finds that he can release the energy that they have built up inside of him in order to do special Defensive and Offensive attacks.

i like this very much.all the power would make all the creatures atract to you, coz you hold darkness inside of you. and that would explain that everywhere you go there are creatures. i like the absorbing ability thing, this will definetly make the Ability system much easier to design.

Over time, you learn that there is a way to destroy the "dark prisons" where your friends are trapped. This would not only release your friends, but sever the dark creatures' ties to this world, sending them back to the other side of the gate/portal. The only problem is that this will also send you to the other side with the creatures. Then in the Sequel, you could play as one of your friends, trying to bring you back from the other side.

i would rather put this in the first game and make it that you get sucked in before you face the final boss. i want to focus the sequel more on the past. so that a few months after the defeat of the DARK KINGDOM AND THE DARK LORD you back to the kingdom and find a secret passage that never appeared and find that the hunt is not over. this is where te second game comes in.(just an idea)

so im currently editing my story script constantly changing small details.
and with time i think that this game will achieve something.




[/list]

[Jay]

yes, it does sound a bit like kingdom hearts and final fantasy but thats what type of game im trying to make.

That's the problem, it's like you're saying 'like Final Fantasy, but better'. (No offense)

I once read that all poeple who try to make a game like another game 'but better' are doomed to make a clone.


All of the things you said (or at least most of them) have already been there. It's a pity that most of the industry seems to be copying from each other. My opinion is that i don't buy a game which just has the features of games i already have.
You have to ask yourself several questions:

1. WHAT is it that makes your game unique?
2. WHAT is the illusion, the aim of your game?
3. WHY do you want to play the game? And don't just get off with 'it will have a cool story and cool characters'. Everyone seems to have them and then when you play the game you see it's just the story and the characters that are cool - but not the game.
4. HOW is the world where the player is (hopefully) going to be sucked in?
5. HOW is he going to interact with the world? This is very important and some game developers seem to forget that. If i cannot use it in a simple way, i get frustrated and shut it down because i want to have fun playing the game and not get killed for the 4th time just because i cannot drink a healthpotion while in combat because i have to do 5 steps in order to do that.
6. CAN i discover something or do something i cannot do in the real world?
If a developer says 'you cannot turn your own while your flying, and you cannot jump 10 meters and you can not, Can Not, CAN NOT throw away an enemy 20 meters in the real world!' then that's the biggest funbreak ever... i would rather play a game where i can do all those things than any game that just lets me hold a gun... in the united states you can buy one if you're old enough. Of course you are not allowed to fire on poeple in the real world, but i hope you get the idea If i can hold a gun then i want to have some really really cool thing i cannot buy in a store, like the gravity gun in Half Life 2 for example.
7. Is it fun to play or am i bored because everything i see i have seen before?

It all comes down to the first question, the most important: What makes your game unique?

Let's take Morrowind as an example: I want to play the game because it lets me decide freely what i can do next.
I can talk to whomever i want i can steal whatever i want i can get into any guild i want i can make every dungeon i want i can just walk around in the world and enjoy the scenery if i want i can buy my levels with gold i can play my character like i want i can make the quests i want i can kill whomever i want if i take the consequences i can be the leader of a guild if i want i can even get my own fortress-tower if i want i can perform magic i can swing the sword i can skill on many different skills i can sometimes make the quests the way i want or...
i can be a hero following my destiny.
Most of these things i cannot do in the real world. The illusion is to be the character i play and the illusion is just there because i can do so many different things.
I can also get to places i normally can not. The world is very rich of details and there are may towns/villages i can visit. I also pass many caves if i just walk around in the landscape.
I could manage the controls, the 'hack-and-slash' technique was very effective.
All in all it was fun to play because i always could discover something new which motivated me to play until i found another new thing and because i could play it the way i wanted not just how the developer wrote the story.


I am not saying the game was perfect, but it was indeed very good.

Also i am not saying your story is all bad, but there seems to missing something to spice it up, something unique. The idea of GD1 is a good start, for example.


I may overdo it here and don't want to sound like a 'this-is-the-only-way-to-do-it'-teacher (which would be ironic because i try to encourage you to be creative ), but that's what i think.

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

thank you for the advice.

im not doing a clone of final fantasy/kingdom hearts. you see i want to make a game that can do much more than all the old generation games. im trying to achieve a game wich sort of does allow most of those things that you said to be possible.Oblivion was kinda boring. it was just a boring game exept for the graphics. you would go talk 2 someone and he would just talk complete rubbish. there was no action. the fightin style was pretty bad.

final fantasy was no dream game either. the way you had to walk everywhere and do nothing else was the worst thing.you couldnt even jump in FFX. kingdom hearts was alright. it had some aspects wich probably made it better than ffx.

but still..........it was not that good. im mostly targeting people who like there average rpg game mixed with a bit of gold and silver. im aiming for a game that sparkles.i like the manga style RPG game like FFX or KH and i admit i am trying to make another one of these games.but not the same.

i preffer to make the storyline as if you where the bad guy trying to defeat the big bad guy??????????why. its different. normaly your the hero and you will always win. but what about if you dont win sometimes. what happens. you either hav to restart or load a previous game. well...........


............not anymore. lets say you die fightin a boss. he attacks and tries to take your energy. instead of a game over screen you go inside the monster trying to get out. so the action still is pumping. and if you get trapped inside then you play as one of your alies and try and get him out.

unless of course you manage to beat him without getting killed.

and what about if your body is taken. you still got your soul. so you could potentialy fly around in a soul version of yourself trying to get back your body.(just an idea)

and what about if the boss is unstopable. instead of standing there wiating till he kills you so you can get sum cheats, you can fight him on the inside,
call reinforcements, or just unleash a monstrous chain of attacks.

what about if your surrounded by smal enemies. just jump up a few meters and smack the ground as hard as you can, making a giant wave of dark energy and demolishing the creatures.

if you want some fun then go to the dark kingdom to where the weak ones are. you can smack them agianst the walls, shoot massive dark or light balls of energy, throw em up high and smack them to the ground. i call it RPG freeform combat. you get the thrill of a FPS game aswell as the fun of a RPG.

want to go on an adventure. you choose it. you can decide what boss to kill and how to kill him. along with the mission system and story line you can basically choose your own path. still keeping the average manga rpg style in it.

and because you can unleash dark energy. you can become a big giant dark rock guy. you can run around smashing things or you can use dark energy to fly and watch the views or kill flying monsters. what about if your sword is not strong enough for the job. use dark energy to make it bigger. and what about if theres hundreds of monsters. summon your own to fight for you. mmmm. the classic RTS

in kingdom hearts the light defeated the darkness. hahaha. why cant darkness defeat darkness. besides your made of pure light so what do you need light power for.youve already got it. you can send a massive bolt of light energy right through the cretures heart.

so the new thing is that you get a FPS,RPG,RTS,ACTION ADVENTURE game all in one. AND you get to control both sides of war. AND you get freeform combat. AND you also get the ability to follow the set path or change it a bit. all this in 1 great manga RPG game.

so thats the probably the spice and gold im looking for. and thats what makes t unique. im not saying this will be a great game but at least its different.

there is one more thing i havent talked about but im sure your tired after reading all of that. its the upgrade menu and ability system. every RPG game i play always has a boring upgrade system and ability system.

experience? thats old. levels? what about when your lvl99. its no more action. what about abilities. "you get 110exp. you are lvl 20, you gain spin strike"?????? where do you gain spin strike. i didnt see it. now you can actually make your own abilities. depending on what wepon and energy amout, you can make all kinds of combos and then use it on various enemys to test out how strong it is. if you got a big sword you can maybe swing it around then power it u with dark energy and then jump up and spin a few times. you can make the abilities. then compile them into a seperate ability.you can later add an extra attack when your energy guage gets bigger. then press a hotkey and watch the action. or you can go for the average hack and slash thing. if you like that then you can make you H&S combos bigger usig the same ability scheme.

theres much more to explain but im sure theres enough info so far.

thx

[GD1]

Wow, this is getting better all the time!

What engine are you planning this for? I don't quite think RF could handle this. I mean, it could but it would feel 'clunky' if you know what I mean.

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

why thank you, it is getting better.

i think that Torque will be almost the perfect engine for this game.
so i will be using torque under an indie licsense. if it does become big then ill switch to a commercial licsence.

im also interested in using speedtree for the foliage. depending on how detailed this will be i think ill need an "extra" engine just to help out.

i want to have a manga look but not like KH or FFX. i want it more like what the pre rendered cutscenes look like.

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

im still a little confused about the story. after the big fisrt boss battle i thought that you would then go to the oracle/doctor by yourself as your friend cant come. then you run towards the woulds. meanwhile a strange person apears next to your friend. he starts talking about whether you will be able to manage the dark and light power. he also mentions that the dark prisons are getting a little trouble. some one is trying to get out or get in.

so now it seems that your friend is evil. he says to the man that they had a deal. the man wanted the boy to be trapped by one of the upcoming bosses so the dark kingdom can hav his power. your friend wants something powerful like an item or a power that he can use. (later in the game your friend gets betrayed so he decides to kill this boss. you get to play as him and be able to control some new moves.)

after this you end up in the forest.
then event 2. something happens here that delays your arival at the doctor. you are being watched. a voice says that you hav no idea what is happening.

you feel that thing inside of you again. you fall to the ground. you hear those creatures. suddenly darkness comes out of you. you transform into a dark version of yourslef. you feel very powerful. suddenly creatures start spawning everywhere. this is where you get to use your dark powers for the first time. after having some fun killing enemies you continue to proceed to the doctor. you get to a bridge and a big flying creature traps you. you have to fight the creature. then when you finish the creature grabs you down with it and you fall down into the deep forest. you wake up as yourself and find that theres a big round door covered in weeds.
you enter and find a passage leading to a masive room/area. you walk towards the vines hanging down. a girl shoots an arrow from above a you.
she asks you why you are in her base. you tell her everything. you then ask her if she knows how to get out to the doctor. she says that the secret passage is blocked by those creatures and is very hard to find your way.

its like a maze with traps everywhere and it also has creatures. you tell her its important. she asks you a favour. to retreive a great orb from the maze. you agree. she is now your ally. you first have to clear the first sector and light it up. then you will need to block all entrances. then after completing everything in the maze you get to the orb youthen get to event 3.

so what do you think so far

[Josh7356]

I'm not really into anime ,but I've seen it before and it sounds like one of the plot lines that I'd expect to see in an anime. You have some pretty original ideas there. I like the idea of the creatures requiring a human host. And the chosen one thing doesn't seem too overused to me. In most games it seems like the main character chooses himself/herself. I'll organize some of the features/ideas that I think would make this game fun. I'll also include some questions that I have.

1.) Maybe put some civilian protection missions in there to prevent the creatures from reaching hosts and gathering more power.

2.) Some of the things seem unrealistic. Maybe I just misread it or something though. Why would a doctor have a large confusing path to the enterance to the hospital? Don't they want people to get in there quick? Why did that portal happen to open now? What is the goal of all of those creatures?

3.) Just an idea to answer some of the questions that I have above. Maybe a long time ago someone was wrongly accused of committing a crime and was hung or burned at the stake or something. So, that person made a deal with the devil in the afterlife to help bring hell on earth if the devil gave him life again. This way, the wrongly accused man would be able to get revenge on the world. The dark sword guy could represent an angel attempting to save the earth. I would avoid using things like God and the devil though. Games that get into religion can get many many people angry. Maybe create your own world with its own false gods so that no one would be offended.

4.) It would be fun if after you rescued a friend, you could order them around. If you gave each of the friends special skills, you could add a lot of puzzle solving to your game.

5.) An idea to lead to the sequel: The creatures can communicate with their human hosts. One of the creatures convinces his host that his way of thinking was correct ,and the creature became real good friends with the host. Also, the host became power hungry when he had the creature inside of him. He became addicted sort of to being able to be so strong. When the creatures were eliminated, the host was deeply angered and was determined to get that power back anyway that he could.

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

thanks for the tips but most of what you say does not fit in with the anime style.

im showing you guys the story as if you were playing. so most of the stuff about the creatures u wont find out until later in the game.

the creatures are just beings from the dark kingdom. they come from pure evil. because this is a magical game not everything will seem realistic. unlike my upcoming third game it will have to have some things that wouldnt be possible in real life.

im not realy worring about the details like missions. im mainly focused on the main story. i want to make it flexible so that the player will be able to choose the boss.

in KH we do not find out where the darkness comes from. we do not find out why the darkness is evil. basically we now that therer will always be good and evil.

the underground passage was not meant for the doctor. all the traps are for the orb. the orb has an important role in the middle of this game.
the doctor has nothing to do with the underground passage. its just a shortcut of getting out to where the doctor lives.

ive started drawing some concepts of the chars and creatures and the enviroment.

ill post them when im done.

[SithMaster]

Maybe our world is the light side and the portal is from the dark kinda like the two sides of a mirror. Our side is the side they see and we see their side and things can appear backwards.

omg now i get double ads when posting.

anyway you could have humans that help the dark creatures get hosts.

it could be religious perhaps like the rapture or something.

or they are trying to find a certain person to possess because that person is pure or some nonsense.

[BLACK_PHOENIX]

. this is a magical manga game.
its getting a bit out of hand. this is not a religious game its more of an adventure. the host thing is getting out of control. the creatures DO NOT USE HUMANS AS HOSTS. now this is what happens when non anime things are put in. i get problems and thenm get stuck and then end up throwing the idea out. not this time.

ive made some major changes with the storyline and the dark creatures.

im still writing so i wont reveal anything until ive done the first chapter.

i dont mind taking ideas. even new ones that follow the anime style.

[GD1]

Anime can be kinda stupid sometimes, but generally I like it unless it gets too childish. Remember that Mario and Sonic can both be considered Anime as well. Most video games actually do follow the Anime model to some degree.

To be perfectly honest, the 'religious' card is played all too much in video games. I can't remember the last game I picked up that didn't have something to do with an evil religious group.

[psYco]

For the record, anime is the best thing in the world... and evil religeous cults are fun to shoot at!
but i know what you mean.