Reality Factory

Im writing a story. I only have two out of ten chapters and havent written more since I started on Terra Trooper, but enjoy:
Galactic Wars CLICK HERE

is there no feedback?

weeeelll....no.

Sorry, my friend. I went to read it the night you posted, then work got in the way and I never got back. I'll take a look here soon and give you some thoughts.

Good story, really held my attention. I picked up on a bit of starwars type stuff in there like, the reaching out with his mind, energysword, trainer droids, rane blocking the plasma rifle shot with the sword.... Still, it was pretty cool!

zany_001 wrote:weeeelll....no.

you are learning well zany. to post unnesscary things... it is a powerful art and skill.

you are learning well zany. to post unnesscary things... it is a powerful art and skill.

i gave up on that point some time last winter.

*edit"
i ment in the fact of pointing out it was pointless, not that pointlesness is good!

Ryan wrote:Good story, really held my attention. I picked up on a bit of starwars type stuff in there like, the reaching out with his mind, energysword, trainer droids, rane blocking the plasma rifle shot with the sword.... Still, it was pretty cool!

yeah, its like a primitive starwars like story, like they need to have a special magnetic field generated by a stablizer, and if its cut, the whole thing falls apart. The reaching out is more like telepathy than the force, and its not really controlable as you can tell. It works well when it wants but not well when you want it to, like kendzoirs law: things fail when needed the most. which also works with murphys law, but...
Anyway, the trainer droids are nothing like the floating ball in star wars. They have limbs, arms, legs, etc. and there are hundreds of different ones.
As for blocking, the plasma rifle fires a shot of plasma, which when it hits the magnetic field, it either ricochets away, or is absorbed into the beam, depending on the blade strength, the field strength and the weapon used...

AA,

I have finished the first chapter. I like very much the feel/atmosphere you have developed. It is a classic type of scenario. I find it interesting that you create the tension between Daichi and Jake so early. I look forward to seeing how that plays out.

I just read forward a little bit into chapter two. Wow, porr Daichi is really getting it laid on him thick. Poor guy. Rane made them look like fools. It'll just make Daichi's triumph that sweeter, eh?

Okay, I finished the second chapter. I like it. I like the character of Captain Tyler and his ship. I like the nightmare sequence as well. The only problem I have is that someone on Daichi's position would try to personally contact his people as soon as he was aboard the ship and make them aware that a dangerous rouge fighter pilot was on the loose.

true, but hes pretty shaken after that encounter. I've started writing chapter three, and he tells jake about the pilot then. I realize now that he should have tried to contact them, but as log as the message gets across, its okay. The story is also on my site. and I'll be posting there more often.

Hey steven, you sound like an accomplished author... Have you ever written a book?

Agentarrow wrote:Hey steven, you sound like an accomplished author... Have you ever written a book?

I've written two complete novel length mysteries. One of which was represented by an agent, yet never saw print. One of which I never quite finished editing down because I was so disappointed by the failure of the first one. The second novel is actually the better of the two.

Until we are published, we are writers. When we are published, then we are authors.

WHERES MY POST GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm know I'm a bad example of wandering off topic, but lets keep this thread to AA's writing endeavours.

Thanks guys.